Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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