none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My life is pants optional.
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