I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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