Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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