This is not my ceiling
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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