Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
