Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
