Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
