i don't like sucking hair
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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