I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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