I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
where are you?
Hypothermia
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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