Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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