Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
