Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
