So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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