At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
