i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
