When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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