I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
