Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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