i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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