theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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