So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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