You just made me feel so damn special
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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