Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
