Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
