When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
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He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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