that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
