I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
