Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
