i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
