just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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