Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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