Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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