Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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