Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Pooping to opera.
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