jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Someone came in the potted fern
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
