yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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