Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
