3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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