Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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