I showed him my bush... on skype.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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