mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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