i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
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I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
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Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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