I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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