The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
