if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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