Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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