She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
