i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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