I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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