What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
