Sry I called you an 8
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
