We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
oh god was she eating orange peels again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
