she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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