No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
