he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
