We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize