They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
