just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
