So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
