you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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