white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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