My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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