k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
