Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
