im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
