You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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