Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
